by Zbignew Zingh

copyleft 2006

A joint commission of the Food and Drug Administration and the League of Women's Voters has recommended the non-prescription sale and use of “Plan C”, the people's morning-after-the elections contraception.

“Plan C” allows citizens who engage in careless voting, or who elect a completely imbecilic, ethically challenged and/or dishonest candidate by accident, mistake or in a moment of blind passion, to countermand their error by immediately retracting their votes and de-certifying the election. “Plan C” is also available to “undo” the apparent election of political leaders that the majority clearly did not vote for. “Plan C” can be taken anytime within 24 hours after the supposed “winner” of an election has been declared or a serious discrepancy between exit polls and the “official tallies” have been disclosed. “Plan C” has strong supporters who argue that the only other way to deal with unwanted, unloved and uncared for politicians is the slow and uncertain process of impeachment.

The commission's decision was immediately attacked by political incumbents of both wings of America's political party who decried any suggestion that voting should be a thoughtful, or for that matter, an elective process. In a joint press conference held by Democratic and Republican presidential contenders, presidential wanna-bes from Hillary Clinton to John McCain?, all condemned “Plan C” as an unconstitutional infringement of their right to elect themselves and their friends to public office. According to political hermaphrodite Joe Lieberman (who recently has announced his candidacy for every elected office in the United States): “Some of us ought to be your leaders regardless what you want because we answer to a Higher Good and we're smarter and more moral than you are; and if you don't like it, you can move to Iran.”

Arch-Republican political candidate Katherine Harris, the former Florida Secretary of State during the 2000 election debacle, said: “Where did people get the idea that they have a choice who to vote for? This is a Christian Republic, and God decides who runs this place, not the electorate. That's why we don't have direct election of the President in the United States so that, if the People make a “mistake”, then the Electoral College can 'select' the right candidate.”

Conservative religious groups also criticized the action to approve “Plan C” which they describe as a form of political abortion that would inevitably lead to gay marriage and public nudity. Pat Robertson, co-unelected President of the shadow government of the United States, frothed on his syndicated television show that the entire concept of “rationality” and “voting” are as anti-American as Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez, and he hoped that the FBI would soon take action to disappear anyone who disagrees with his point of view. In an effort to assuage the political tempest, the joint commission proposed to make “Plan C” unavailable for any registered voter without a politician's prescription to anyone in Florida or Ohio who is over the age of eighteen; and to any African-American, Socialist or Green Party member registered to vote anywhere in the United States.

“Plan C”, in fact, is only a popular version of a medicine long employed by political witch doctors. The original “Plan A”, for example, is the simple means by which certain interests have manipulated elections in the United States and elsewhere by generating disinformation, disenfranchising voters, conducting smear campaigns or generally stuffing and/or un-counting ballots. The most recent use of “Plan A” (commonly referred to as “election theft”) was in Mexico where the ruling party of Vincente Fox has stolen the presidential election from the popularly elected Lopez Obrador and handed it to the business conservative and pro-American, pro-NAFTA candidate Felipe Calderon. “Plan A” has also been employed by anti-democratic interests in Florida in 2000, in Ohio in 2004, and at various times in Italy, South Korea, Taiwan, Japan, Egypt and the Philippines. Although “Plan A” traditionally has been taken as an oral medication stuffed down the throat of the ballot box, “Plan A” is now administered intravenously via the proprietary ballot tabulating software of unverifiable electronic voting machines.

In addition to the “Plan A” political contraception, “Plan B” is an older, stronger prescription medication that has been used by imperial and/or capitalist concerns to literally abort an election that has “gone wrong” or when an “unwanted or unplanned for” democratic or independent government has been, or is about to be born. The “Plan B” political contraceptive usually involves a military operation, a coupe d'etat, assassination, the creation of a subversive counterrevolution or economic coercion. “Plan B” normally results not only in the removal of the “wrong candidate” but the complete eradication of embryonic democracy stem cells for several generations. Because of its extreme side effects, “Plan B” is only available by prescription from the Pentagon, the CIA, Wall Street, the World Bank, the IMF and corporate members of the military industrial complex. The “Plan B” political contraceptive has been used by America (or its co- practitioners of preventive political medicine, such as France, Great Britain or Israel) to “abort” the duly installed governments of Iran, Guatemala, Panama, Chile, Haiti, Nicaragua, Algeria, Palestine, Indonesia, Jamaica, the Oglala Lakota Nation, El Salvador, East Timor, Yugoslavia, Greece and Hawaii.

Notwithstanding the public clamor for an over-the-counter morning-after-the-election contraceptive, President Bush has vowed to veto any legislation which could, in his words, promote “voter promiscuity”. According to Mister Bush: “The best way to avoid unwanted political leaders is to practice abstinence. Simply abstain from voting and let others make the decisions for you, like the Supreme Court. Other than that,” said Mister Bush, “adoption is the next and only moral alternative.”

Taking the President at his word, grassroots democracy organizations are now desperately looking for another country to “adopt” George W. Bush, his administration, his cabinet, government aides, and the entire U.S. Congress. In the expectation that the search will be futile, however, advocates for the “Plan C” morning-after-the-elections contraceptive will keep up their efforts.