United Nations weapons inspectors today announced the discovery of yet another instance of Iraq's failure to fully disclose its program for the development of Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Acting upon satellite surveillance photographs provided by the United States Central Intelligence Agency, UN weapons inspectors discovered several pairs of rusty garden shears in a garden behind the house of a senior Iraqi research scientist. A spokesman for the American State Department described the finding of the rusty garden shears as yet further evidence of Iraq's failure to fully come clean with its WMD development program.

"The rust on these scissors could, if the blades nicked someone's hand or finger, cause a very serious case of tetanus,” said Collin Powell at a Foggy Bottom news conference. Tetanus is a very, very serious disease, Mr. Powell explained, and if the Iraqi military were to develop a means of mass producing the tetanus bacteria and a delivery system that could reach the United States of America, then every man, woman and child in America would be at risk. “It would be as though every American had stepped on a rusty nail,” Mr. Powell said.

“It is also ominous,” he continued, “that the same steel used to make these scissors could have been used to make bio-chemical artillery shells.”

Hans Blix, the head of the UN weapons inspections team, confirmed that the rusty garden shears were not listed in the 12,000 page declaration by Iraq that was supposed to categorize its biowarfare and WMD development programs.

“Iraq is still not fully cooperating with the United Nations inspection teams,” said Mr. Blix who warned again that “time is running out for the Iraqi government to fully disclose all of its weapons of mass destruction.”

Elsewhere in Iraq, a surprise visit by a UN team to an outhouse on the outskirts of Baghdad found a man using a commode.

“The gas was particularly noxious,” said one of the team members on condition of anonymity as he held his nose. Samples of the outhouse gas have been taken and will be analyzed in the United States to determine its composition and lethalness.

In yet another development in the southern “no fly zone”, swarms of flies were discovered flying around the untreated cesspools created by American bombing of water treatment plants in 1991 during the first Gulf War. In an effort to wipe out the flies, American fighter jets used smart missiles to destroy an electric generation plant and a market place, killing scores of Iraqi women and children, as well as some flies.

Acting on an American intelligence tip, UN inspectors also discovered a lengthy article about nuclear fission and a description of the American use of atomic bombs to destroy Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War II.

The encyclopedic article, written in 1962 and buried in one of dozens of volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica, was found on the shelves of a high school library. Mr. Bush, commenting on the find, called the discovery of the “fizzible” material “extremely troubling” and said it fully justified the obliteration of every man, woman, child, school and library in Iraq.

“Saddam Hussein will stop at nothing to obtain weapons of mass destruction,” said Mr. Bush. “Any man who would hide such potentially explosive information among innocent children, even if they are unbaptised Muslim suicide-bomber wannabes, does not deserve to pump his own oil,” said Mr. Bush.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair, reading from cue cards held up for him by the American Ambassador to Great Britain, voiced his strong agreement with the President. “We are dispatching another regiment of infantry and the HMS Invincible to join American forces preparing to liberate Iraq's petroleum fields,” said Mr. Blair.

Mr. Blair also announced that the British intelligence service would soon release a four hundred page dossier in cartoon format reporting on spoiled sandwiches and old bottles of open, half-used and unrefrigerated condiments that have been discovered in various refrigerators in Baghdad hotels. “These spoiled foods are the obvious breeding grounds of germ warfare agents such as botulism, listeria and cruise ship diarrhea,” Mr. Blair warned.

“We in Great Britain know a lot about food poisoning, or so the French tell us, and we do not want these highly toxic agents to fall into the hands of terrorists.”

Back in the United States, an unnamed source at the Defense Department said that the United States was prepared to launch a preemptive nuclear strike within days against the hospitals, water purification plants and elementary schools throughout Iraq in order to preserve world peace.

Ersarts reporters could not find the Democratic Party to comment on this breaking story.